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Sunday 23 September I t is nine o'clock on a Saturday night and I should be at an old friend's party. There are likely to be nice people there, artistic, talented; and the hostess is a wizard cook.

It was seven for seven thirty, dress smart but "not too smart" I am not at the party however. Nor is my dress remotely smart, consisting as it does of a fisherman's sweater, more holes than wool, and a pair of frayed tracksuit pants smelling party poker roulette rigged of go here. This is my usual garb — my uniform, if you will — when I visit my betting shop of choice in north London.

There is one other punter in the place — a nicotine-stained old guy in a raincoat who is operating a strange roulette system consisting of a plethora of tiny stakes that more or less cancel each another out. I used to watch small-scale punters like this with contempt. Then one day I party poker roulette rigged myself in a Ladbrokes shop on a Saturday afternoon with every station occupied.

I waited a quarter of an hour for a seat to come vacant. It was then that I realised that please click for source size of the bet didn't count for anything: I was just as desperate and sleazy as the rest of them.

That convinced me of the true nature of my predicament, though sadly it didn't do anything to curtail it. So I would find myself, at 9. Hard to retain much self-respect after that. No less pitiful, you might say, than an alcoholic outside the off licence at 9. After wishing my confrere an unacknowledged "Good luck", I make my way to a terminal and park party poker roulette rigged backside on the sticky black leather seat.

I've gambled online, and in live casinos, but neither has the same, uniquely sordid appeal check this out the betting shop.

It's the tackiness of the betting shop that, for me, puts it without peer as a means of wrecking your life. And among the charms http://shannononeill.info/machine-as-sous-gratuit.php the betting shop, blackjack has the greatest appeal.

This has something to do, I assume, with the party poker roulette rigged of the game: Party poker roulette rigged roulette, you spin the wheel, and that's it; horses: Whereas with blackjack, few things can match the adrenaline rush you get when that third card takes you party poker roulette rigged 20 or, incredibly, to If you're not familiar article source gaming machines, they are, in appearance and construction, not unlike the automatic ticket vendors at railway stations.

Though, in this case, in return for the money you feed in, you mostly get nothing back. The soulless strip lighting of the shop creates a curiously appealing, dismal ambience — a kind of physical equivalent to my own spiritual landscape. So, why am I here? Well, clearly because I'm a schmuck, but that's not what I mean; I mean biographically speaking ….

For many years an old friend of mine and I have been devotees of poker. It began with evenings of spontaneous, anarchic, life-enhancing mayhem at his flat, escalating from there, by insidious steps, into a serious fortnightly home game complete with league table and annual trophy.

Now, if all poker — all gambling games, in fact — are potentially addictive and obsessional, Texas Holdem is both of those things to the power of Being endowed with just the right, catastrophic psychic make-up, I was pretty soon hooked.

One day in February I asked the old pal in question if there was anywhere you could play Holdem online. He chortled and gave me the name of a "reputable" site. That night I opened an party poker roulette rigged and began to play. I started in a restrained way — five or six hours a day — maybe a bit more if I had no work on. Soon I was convinced I'd struck gold.

Here, at last, was the steady, reliable source of party poker roulette rigged I'd been dreaming of ever since giving up a well-paid job in the City to concentrate on, of all things, translating 17th-century French verse comedies.

I couldn't keep this goldmine I'd hit on to myself. I announced arrogantly at dinner parties that I had discovered a new string to my bow, a party poker roulette rigged revenue stream. The "fish" poker speak for bad players out there had to be seen to be believed. I even managed to convince myself that I was earning a living from the game. It took many weeks of steady, daily losses before a nagging suspicion party poker roulette rigged born that something might be amiss.

I was an addict by now, of course, and that kind of self-delusion is standard addict practice. Worse still, because of the peculiar nature of gambling addiction — many experts reckon it's the hardest of all addictions to cure — once it dawned on me that I was in fact losing, I figured the only way to recoup the money was to play more and then yet more. One time, after playing non-stop for three days, so that the index finger of my right hand had started to tingle from repeatedly clicking the mouse to bet on or fold a hand, I woke to find that somebody had broken visit web page my flat party poker roulette rigged the night and festooned it with playing cards.

They were all over the walls, they were dangling from the curtains. Wherever I went — bathroom to wash, kitchen to make breakfast — they kept popping up. I dismissed this despite having once suffered from a bout of manic depression that included delusions as some sort of short-term optical glitch that was only to party poker roulette rigged expected in the circumstances, and soon hurried back to my laptop to resume playing.

Party poker roulette rigged, around lunchtime, I was in the loo, when I looked down and saw that there was a playing card lying in the bottom of the bowl. This was no vague optical effect, either, but a perfectly formed, shiny new king of hearts. I called my GP, fixed an emergency appointment and got myself straight down there. You should not be doing this. Go home, switch off your computer, or better still, chuck it in the bin and source this pill and get some sleep.

She placed go here large white tablet in my hand. Feeling a whole lot better, I reckoned I would just get a couple more hours' play in, take the tablet and turn in. Unfortunately, I drifted off in the middle of a hand, without having taken the pill, and when I woke up a couple of hours later I was dying Well, perhaps not quite. In the ambulance they informed me that I party poker roulette rigged having a massive atrial fibrillation, brought on by four days and nights without sleep, sprayed something on the roof of my mouth, and asked for my next of kin.

I was visit web page there all the next day, my pulse returning to normal just 20 minutes before I was scheduled to be medically "rebooted". All this makes gambling seem a dark and destructive business, and, of course, it can be. But that's pretty obviously not the whole story. Like all addictive activities, party poker roulette rigged offers astonishing highs — highs as high as the lows are low. If it didn't, who on earth would take it up in the first place?

During a lucky streak, for instance, I get a sense of quite astonishing and implausibly sustained wellbeing. The fact that I went on to blow the lot in 10 minutes and was suicidal for a fortnight thereafter is another matter. Regaining a recent loss just click for source a special pleasure of its own, as any gambler will tell you: Equally true, on the other hand, is an observation by Casanova, who had a sideline in gambling and noted that inside every party poker roulette rigged gambler lurks a miser.

Or, to put it another way, a greedy klutz wanting something for nothing. But, yes, the highs. I spent the day debating with myself whether or not I should try my luck and see what I could do with that 5k. What had I got to lose? It wasn't even my money, but the bank's.

As usual, the inner demons the shrinks, the addiction experts, call it this "permission thought" won the argument, and at midnight, came the start of a new hour period, which meant party poker roulette rigged I was allowed to deposit fresh funds. I hit 20 with that hand, won, 20 with the next, won again, won again with the third bet. In the space of two minutes I had not merely quadrupled my 5k overdraft, but could now pay off my mortgage and be, once party poker roulette rigged, to some degree at least, a free man.

I collapsed party poker roulette rigged the sofa, numb with joy, sandbagged by bliss. But the demons were party poker roulette rigged the opinion that I shouldn't stop there. I went back to my laptop, put another 5k on and hit blackjack. I remember sitting in the dark for half an hour with such joy and relief washing over me.

I have lost, at a conservative estimate, a quarter of a million pounds over the party poker roulette rigged seven years. And I am once again remortgaged, for 30k this time. I do not complain about any of this — not party poker roulette rigged debt, the near-death experience, not even the huge and horribly party poker roulette rigged spells of despair and party poker roulette rigged. Nor am I especially plagued when I remember that, but for gambling, I would now be living on a comfortable income from party poker roulette rigged scrimped and saved over 15 years of hard showbiz studio casa zogno. There is nothing worse in this party poker roulette rigged than a sore loser, and nowhere is that more true than in gambling.

The tax revenues from the big gaming companies help build schools and hospitals, pay for teachers, doctors and nurses. This is something, I tell myself. I do sometimes wonder quietly why walking down any major street click here London has to be, for me and my fellow gambling addicts, rather like negotiating Scylla and Charybdis — Paddy Power or Betfred here, William Hill or Ladbrokes there.

But the resentment doesn't last. I have swallowed my pride, sought professional help, attended GA meetings.

At the time of writing I haven't gambled, in any shape or form, party poker roulette rigged several months. The other day, for instance, as I approached Finchley Road, near where I live — a thoroughfare positively festooned with betting shops — I conceived a strong urge click to see more have a flutter on the betting machines.

What harm could it do, now that I was cured? I found myself walking, like a zombie, towards the nearest of the outlets. Suddenly, like young Stephen Dedalus in A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Manas he walks down Lott's Lane in search of stimulus, then suddenly spins round and heads for home, I turned. The pull on me as I headed back toward the bus stop, and home, was astonishingly party poker roulette rigged. The feeling of triumph as I boarded a bus and casino i stockholm for Hampstead where any betting shop manager worth his salt will, at my own request, eject me from the premises on sight was one that, to anybody article source hasn't been there, might seem pathetic.

The gambler in me is still looking to recoup, needless to say.

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